Springfield Elementary School Carnival: The Happiest Place On Earth
Blue-Haired Lawyer: Principal Skinner, "The Happiest Place on Earth' is a registered Disneyland copyright.
Principal Skinner: <chuckles> Well, gentlemen, it's just a small school carnival.
Blue-Haired Lawyer: And it's heading for a great big lawsuit. You made a big mistake, Skinner.
Principal Skinner: Well, so did you. You got an ex-Green Beret mad.
Skinner pokes the eyes of one of the goons, then kicks the blue-haired lawyer in the chest. The third good tries to run away but Skinner picks up a briefcase and throws it at him.
Principal Skinner: Copyright expired.
Nelson, Martin, and some other children are at a sideshow where you shoot water into the mouths of clowns.
Carny #1: And … begin!
Nelson: This sucks.
Nelson squirts his water into Martin's face.
Martin: Aah!
Nelson: Ha-ha!
Bart has his own little sideshow. The 3 Card Monte.
Bart: Pick the red, get ahead. Pick the black, set you back.
Principal Skinner: Hmm. I don't recall authorizing this booth.
Bart: Good-bye, gentlemen.
Bart creates some smoke and disappears. A child coughs.
Groundskeeper Willie: Get your haggis, right here! Chopped heart and lungs boiled in a wee sheep's stomach! Tastes as good as it sounds! Good for what ails ya! <mutters then groans>
Homer's at the "Guess Your Age & Weight" stand.
Carny #2: I'd say … 53 years old and 420 pounds.
Homer: Ha-ha, you lose! 36 and 239.
Carny #2: Hmm.
Bart is looking at Otto who's controlling The Paralyzer.
Bart: Hey, Otto-man. I dare you to make this go faster.
Otto: Ooh! Challenge accepted!
Otto cranks the speed, and the ride goes out of control, hurling a child into the school.
Otto: I'll be in Mexico till this thing blows over.
An angry crowd runs after him. Milhouse walks up to Jimbo's Spookhouse.
Milhouse: Oh, boy! A spookhouse!
He enters it and is confronted by Jimbo, Kearney and Dolph.
Kearney: Hand over all your money.
Milhouse: <grunts>
Bart: Was it scary?
Milhouse: Uh-huh.
Bart: Ooh, baby. Uh-oh.
Down at the caricatures stand, they're only $3.
Carny #3: So, girlie, you like roller-skating?
Lisa: No.
Carny #3: Everybody loves roller-skating. Okay, you can turn around now.
An ugly picture of Lisa is up on a projector.
Lisa: <gasps>
Spectators: <laughing>
Lisa: Oh, my God. I'm ugly.
Principal Skinner is about to draw a raffle.
Principal Skinner: Now, in a moment, we'll be raffling of four grand prize: a ride on the famous Duff Beer blimp!
Homer: A ride on the Duff blimp.
Homer imagines himself in the blimp.
Pilot: You see the circular pattern on those fields? That's from central-pivot irrigation.
Homer: Wow.
Pilot: Now let's see what's happening at the Super Bowl.
[ Crowd Cheering ]
[ Crowd Chanting ]
Homer! Homer! Homer! Homer!
- [ Chanting Stops ]
- [Man]Oops. Sorry.
[ Chanting Continues ]
Homer! Homer! Homer!
[ Softly]
Homer! Homer! Homer!
But first,
our second-prize winner…
and the recipient of
this handsome shoe buffer—
Ned Flanders!
[ Gasps ]
Ah!
- [Man]Go, Ned!
- Oh, it's no fair.
- We'll never have a buffer.
- We have one at home.
- You never use it.
- Well, I want that one.
And the winner of the blimp ride is…
Homer Simpson!
Oh, my God!
[ Whimpers ]
## [ Singing ]
[ Sobbing ]
Honey, what's wrong?
Dad, do you think I'm ugly?
What are you talking about?
[ Chuckling ]
Oh, Lisa, this isn't real.
It's just how you might look
If you were a cartoon character.
- I'm an ugmo.
- Now, that's not true. You're cute as a bug's ear.
Fathers have to say that stuff.
Dad, am I cute as a bug's ear?
- No! You're homely as a mule's butt!
- There. See?
I'd like to be alone, please.
[ Sobbing ]
Moe, have you ever felt unattractive?
- Mmm, no.
- How about you, Barney?
Not for a second.
[ Belches ]
Yeah.
I need help.
[Together]
Whee! Whee!
Whee! Whee!
Whee!
I guess every father thinks
his daughter is the cutest.
Well, now there's a way to prove it.
Wow, President of Laramie Cigarettes,
jack Larson!
This year, Laramie is sponsoring…
the Little Miss Springfield Pageant.
You see, government regulations
prohibit us from advertising on TV.
[ Inhales, Exhales ]
Ahh.
That sweet Carolina smoke.
But they can't prohibit us
from holding a beauty pageant…
for little girls age seven to nine.
Lisa's age seven to nine!
Your daughter could be crowned
Little Miss Springfield by our host…
the maitre d' of glee,
Krusty the Clown!
I heartily endorse
this event or product.
What a feeling!
I'm as happy as a smoker…
taking that first puff
in the morning.
- That could be Lisa!
- The Little Miss Springfield Pageant.
Only $250 to enter.
Oh!
Hey, Barney, will you give me
250 bucks for this blimp ticket?
Sure!
[ Gasps ]
Where'd you get all the money?
From some scientist.
Since they stopped testing on animals…
a guy like me can really clean up.
[ Gulping ]
I'm hideous.
Lisa, I know a song
that will cheer you up.
## [ Singing ]
- So you think I'm ugly?
- No!
No, I meant you were one
Of the good-looking ducks…
that makes fun of the ugly one.
Lisa, if you could have
one wish, what would it be?
To shut myself off from the world
and never be seen by human eyes again.
Was your second wish to be entered
in the Little Miss Springfield Pageant?
129
00:07:37,253 —> 00:07:40,984
- What are you talking about?
- I sent in an application for you.
130
00:07:41,090 —> 00:07:43,058
I couldn't find a big enough photo,
so I sent in…
131
00:07:43,159 —> 00:07:45,320
that funny drawing of you
on roller skates.
132
00:07:45,428 —> 00:07:48,090
How could you?
I won't do it!
133
00:07:48,197 —> 00:07:51,257
[ Sobbing ]
134
00:07:51,367 —> 00:07:53,995
Homer, Lisa's already
sensitive about her looks.
135
00:07:54,103 —> 00:07:57,436
- This is the last thing she needs.
- But I think she'll win.
136
00:07:57,540 —> 00:08:00,338
Dad, have you seen the girls they have
in those contests?
137
00:08:00,443 —> 00:08:02,411
Hubba, hubba!
[ Panting ]
138
00:08:04,513 —> 00:08:07,346
[ Howling ]
139
00:08:09,218 —> 00:08:12,016
Hey, nobody's prettier
than my little girl.
140
00:08:12,121 —> 00:08:14,282
You're looking at her
through a father's eyes.
141
00:08:14,390 —> 00:08:16,449
Well, if I could gouge out
somebody else's eyes…
142
00:08:16,559 —> 00:08:18,527
and shove them into my sockets,
I would.
143
00:08:18,628 —> 00:08:23,156
- But to me, she's beautiful.
- That is so sweet.
144
00:08:23,266 —> 00:08:26,997
Honey, no one's going
to force you to do anything.
145
00:08:27,103 —> 00:08:30,402
But do you know how your father got
the money to enter you in this pageant?
146
00:08:30,506 —> 00:08:34,806
- Nope.
- He sold his ride on the Duff blimp.
147
00:08:34,910 —> 00:08:37,208
But that ride meant everything to him!
148
00:08:37,313 —> 00:08:41,875
## [ Singing Sadly]
149
00:08:47,490 —> 00:08:49,788
I'll do it.
150
00:08:52,495 —> 00:08:54,622
- Did you see Tina Epstein?
- Whoa!
151
00:08:54,730 —> 00:08:57,290
If you're gonna binge,
you'd better purge. Uh-oh.
152
00:09:02,471 —> 00:09:04,496
- Amber Dempsey.
- In the same week…
153
00:09:04,607 —> 00:09:07,405
she was Pork Princess
and Little Miss Kosher.
154
00:09:07,510 —> 00:09:09,774
- She's beautiful.
- Wait.
155
00:09:09,879 —> 00:09:11,779
She's about to bring out
the big guns.
156
00:09:14,650 —> 00:09:17,585
- Eyelash implants.
- I thought those were illegal.
157
00:09:17,687 —> 00:09:19,678
Not in Paraguay.
158
00:09:19,789 —> 00:09:21,416
There's no way I can beat this girl.
159
00:09:21,524 —> 00:09:23,992
She's the Jack Nicklaus
Of the pageant circuit.
160
00:09:24,093 —> 00:09:27,995
Oh, I don't know that
she's as attractive as Jack Nicklaus.
161
00:09:28,097 —> 00:09:30,565
## [ Humming ]
162
00:09:32,735 —> 00:09:35,363
I meant because they both win
all the time, Mom.
163
00:09:35,471 —> 00:09:38,372
Oh. Well, yes.
That's what I meant too.
164
00:09:38,474 —> 00:09:40,339
Well, tell you what.
This afternoon…
165
00:09:40,443 —> 00:09:44,470
I'll take you to the beauty parlor
and show you just how lovely you can be.
166
00:09:44,580 —> 00:09:46,775
And later, I'll teach you
the tricks of the trade—
167
00:09:46,882 —> 00:09:48,577
taping your swimsuit to your butt…
168
00:09:48,684 —> 00:09:51,175
petroleum jelly on your teeth
for that frictionless smile…
169
00:09:51,287 —> 00:09:53,517
and the ancient art of padding.
170
00:09:53,622 —> 00:09:56,056
[ Purring ]
171
00:09:59,495 —> 00:10:02,760
- Are we done?
- We are just warming up.
172
00:10:03,999 —> 00:10:06,490
Oh, isn't this dangerous?
173
00:10:06,602 —> 00:10:09,730
Don't worry.
I am well protected.
174
00:10:18,514 —> 00:10:22,450
Boy, when Lisa comes in, I want you
to make a big fuss over how she looks.
175
00:10:22,551 —> 00:10:25,281
She'll see through me
like Grandma's underpants.
176
00:10:25,388 —> 00:10:27,686
No, she won't.
When it comes to compliments…
177
00:10:27,790 —> 00:10:29,883
women are ravenous,
bloodsucking monsters…
178
00:10:29,992 —> 00:10:33,428
always wanting more, more, more!
179
00:10:33,529 —> 00:10:36,896
And if you give it to 'em,
you'll get plenty back in return.
180
00:10:36,999 —> 00:10:40,230
- Like what?
- I'll tell you when you're older.
181
00:10:44,273 —> 00:10:47,071
- [ Chuckling ]
- [Door Slams Shut]
182
00:10:48,511 —> 00:10:51,173
[ Gasps ]
Is that Lisa?
183
00:10:51,280 —> 00:10:54,545
Ooh, I gotta call heaven.
There's an angel missing.
184
00:10:54,650 —> 00:10:56,777
And who's your little school friend?
185
00:10:56,886 —> 00:10:59,480
Wait a minute.
That's Mom!
186
00:10:59,588 —> 00:11:03,388
- Oh, my goodness! How gallant!
- Isn't that nice? Thank you.
187
00:11:03,492 —> 00:11:07,588
I know two fellas who are gonna get
a special dinner tonight.
188
00:11:09,565 —> 00:11:11,533
- Hey, hey!
- Whoo-hoo!
189
00:11:11,634 —> 00:11:14,660
- Dad, you know anything else about women?
- Nope, that's it.
190
00:11:17,773 —> 00:11:21,004
Hey, brush-head, you've been
nursing that thing for an hour.
191
00:11:21,110 —> 00:11:24,375
You know, I was just wondering how
someone who works at an ice cream store…
192
00:11:24,480 —> 00:11:26,744
keeps such a trim figure.
193
00:11:26,849 —> 00:11:28,339
I've misjudged you.
194
00:11:30,453 —> 00:11:30,553
## [ Piano ]
195
00:11:30,553 —> 00:11:32,350
## [ Piano ]
196
00:11:33,956 —> 00:11:36,857
I said step, pause, turn,
pause, pivot, step, step…
197
00:11:36,959 —> 00:11:40,053
not step, pause, turn,
pause, pivot, step, pause!
198
00:11:40,162 —> 00:11:42,687
Ooh! Shudder!
199
00:11:42,798 —> 00:11:45,995
And the winner is… Lisa Simpson!
200
00:11:46,101 —> 00:11:48,296
- [ Gasps ]
- Okay, wipe away a tear.
201
00:11:48,404 —> 00:11:50,872
Hug the loser.
202
00:11:50,973 —> 00:11:54,374
And now, for your triumphant
walk down the runway.
203
00:11:55,411 —> 00:11:59,814
Whoa! Ooh! Aah!
204
00:11:59,915 —> 00:12:01,883
It's hopeless!
205
00:12:01,984 —> 00:12:04,384
There's nothin' to it.
Give me those heels.
206
00:12:04,487 —> 00:12:09,049
Heel, toe, heel, toe,
heel, toe. Hmm.
207
00:12:09,158 —> 00:12:11,058
Do you really think I can win?
208
00:12:11,160 —> 00:12:13,788
Hey, I'm starting to think I can win.
209
00:12:13,896 —> 00:12:16,456
But those other girls
are prettier than me.
210
00:12:16,565 —> 00:12:18,533
Lise, as your brother…
211
00:12:18,634 —> 00:12:21,034
this is the hardest thing
I've every had to say.
212
00:12:21,136 —> 00:12:25,266
- You're not ugly.
- Oh, Bart!
213
00:12:28,711 —> 00:12:30,702
####[Up-tempo]
214
00:12:34,617 —> 00:12:37,450
[ Talking Over Music ]
Out on our own! Making it work!
215
00:12:37,553 —> 00:12:42,115
Gasping for air!
Having it all!
216
00:12:42,224 —> 00:12:46,957
My name is Amber Dempsey, and when
I grow up I want to be a sweetie pie.
217
00:12:47,062 —> 00:12:49,587
[Applause]
218
00:12:49,698 —> 00:12:52,292
I am Pahasatira Nahasapeemapetilon…
219
00:12:52,401 —> 00:12:56,030
and tonight I will be playing
"Mac Arthur Park" on the tabla.
220
00:12:56,138 —> 00:12:57,935
[ Laughing ]
221
00:12:58,040 —> 00:12:59,598
No, I am serious.
222
00:12:59,708 —> 00:13:02,541
Yes! Judges, there's your queen.
223
00:13:02,645 —> 00:13:05,637
- Who's watching the Kwik-E-Mart?
- [ Both Gasp ]
224
00:13:05,748 —> 00:13:08,649
- [ Grunting ]
- [ Laughing ]
225
00:13:08,751 —> 00:13:11,948
My name is Lisa Simpson, and
I want to be Little Miss Springfield…
226
00:13:12,054 —> 00:13:14,716
so I can make our town a better place!
227
00:13:14,823 —> 00:13:16,848
Yeah! Clean up this stink-hole!
228
00:13:16,959 —> 00:13:20,360
[ Panting, Grunts ]
229
00:13:20,462 —> 00:13:22,953
Krusty!
About time you got here.
230
00:13:23,065 —> 00:13:26,330
Yeah, yeah. What is this—
the, uh, Republican fund-raiser?
231
00:13:26,435 —> 00:13:28,995
Checking it out!
Hitting the heights!
232
00:13:29,104 —> 00:13:31,937
Making a wish!
Dreaming a dream!
233
00:13:32,041 —> 00:13:33,770
## [ Singing ]
234
00:13:37,046 —> 00:13:38,946
- [ All ] Me!
- ####[Ends]
235
00:13:39,048 —> 00:13:42,040
Oh, that brisket's not sittin' right.
236
00:13:42,151 —> 00:13:46,485
## [ Singing ]
237
00:13:46,589 —> 00:13:48,580
[ Snoring ]
238
00:13:52,294 —> 00:13:55,161
Oh, that just kept goin', huh?
239
00:13:55,264 —> 00:13:58,665
And now here's… Lisa Simpson!
240
00:13:58,767 —> 00:14:00,735
They'll love you
just as much as I do.
241
00:14:00,836 —> 00:14:02,667
Thanks, Dad.
242
00:14:08,777 —> 00:14:10,745
Mmm.
243
00:14:14,950 —> 00:14:17,475
Some people say that
to love your country is old-fashioned…
244
00:14:17,586 —> 00:14:19,554
uncool, real melvin.
245
00:14:19,655 —> 00:14:21,646
Well, to them I say—
246
00:14:21,757 —> 00:14:26,091
## [ Singing Patriotic Song ]
247
00:14:30,132 —> 00:14:34,034
One, two, three, four!
## [ Singing Rock And Roll Song]
248
00:14:36,972 —> 00:14:38,940
[ Cheering ]
249
00:14:42,878 —> 00:14:46,814
This is my favorite part
Of the pageant, because—
250
00:14:46,915 —> 00:14:48,644
What does that say? Oh.
251
00:14:48,751 —> 00:14:52,118
It gives me a chance
to visit with the girls personality.
252
00:14:52,221 —> 00:14:54,121
Uh, personally.
253
00:14:54,223 —> 00:14:56,714
Amber, do you think
the Bill of Rights…
254
00:14:56,825 —> 00:14:59,851
is a good thing or a bad thing?
255
00:14:59,962 —> 00:15:03,693
- Um—
- Take your time, dear.
256
00:15:03,799 —> 00:15:05,699
Good thing.
257
00:15:05,801 —> 00:15:07,598
[ All Fawning ]
258
00:15:07,703 —> 00:15:09,967
And now it's time
to name our runner-up…
259
00:15:10,072 —> 00:15:13,838
who, if the winner doesn't fulfill her duties—
[ Muttering Incoherently]
260
00:15:13,942 —> 00:15:16,342
And don't say it'll never happen…
261
00:15:16,445 —> 00:15:18,879
because we all remember that thing
with what's-her-name.
262
00:15:18,981 —> 00:15:21,074
Click, click.
You know.
263
00:15:21,183 —> 00:15:23,117
Okay, the runner-up is…
264
00:15:28,223 —> 00:15:30,248
[ Groans ]
265
00:15:30,359 —> 00:15:32,190
- [Cymbal Crash]
- Lisa Simpson!
266
00:15:32,294 —> 00:15:35,889
Which means Amber Dempsey
is the new Little Miss Springfield!
267
00:15:35,998 —> 00:15:37,795
[Applause]
268
00:15:37,900 —> 00:15:40,095
####[Orchestra]
269
00:15:40,202 —> 00:15:44,332
## [ Singing ]
270
00:15:57,720 —> 00:16:00,985
Coming up next,
a new fad that's sweeping the nation—
271
00:16:01,090 —> 00:16:03,354
wasting food.
272
00:16:06,562 —> 00:16:10,328
But first, let's join the new
Little Miss Springfield, Amber Dempsey…
273
00:16:10,432 —> 00:16:14,027
as she helps open
the Danish super-chain "Shop."
274
00:16:14,136 —> 00:16:16,104
Scott, everyone is here…
275
00:16:16,205 —> 00:16:18,969
from the mayor's illegitimate son
to our own Duff blimp.
276
00:16:19,074 —> 00:16:22,771
- Hi. Can I drive?
- Well, I can't see the harm.
277
00:16:24,413 —> 00:16:26,779
[Barney Yelling]
278
00:16:29,651 —> 00:16:32,176
Oh, the humanity!
Anyway…
279
00:16:32,287 —> 00:16:36,485
to turn on the store's "severe tire damage"
spikes, here's Little Miss Springfield.
280
00:16:37,793 —> 00:16:40,227
####[Fanfare]
281
00:16:41,730 —> 00:16:45,188
Oh, dear. It would be a shame
If that pretty dress got wet.
282
00:16:45,300 —> 00:16:48,895
I'd say the greater danger is
her scepter acting as a lightning rod.
283
00:16:49,004 —> 00:16:50,938
Unless it's made out of plastic.
284
00:16:51,039 —> 00:16:53,906
- [ Thunderclap ]
- Nope. Metal.
285
00:16:54,009 —> 00:16:57,536
Ladies and gentlemen, Little Miss Springfield
has been struck by lightning.
286
00:16:59,114 —> 00:17:01,275
[Man]
Doctor, what is Amber's condition?
287
00:17:01,383 —> 00:17:03,408
Oh, she'll be fine.
In fact…
288
00:17:03,519 —> 00:17:06,647
she's already won the
Little Miss Intensive Care Pageant.
289
00:17:10,325 —> 00:17:14,056
Congratulations, Lisa.
You're the new Little Miss Springfield.
290
00:17:14,163 —> 00:17:16,427
Here's your scepter.
Oop!
291
00:17:16,532 —> 00:17:18,932
[ Laughing ]
just kidding.
292
00:17:19,034 —> 00:17:21,298
Here you go.
Oop!
293
00:17:21,403 —> 00:17:23,871
[ Laughing ]
just kidding.
294
00:17:23,972 —> 00:17:26,440
[ Yelling ]
295
00:17:26,542 —> 00:17:28,100
I deserved that.
296
00:17:33,916 —> 00:17:35,884
That doesn't look like her body.
297
00:17:35,984 —> 00:17:37,952
The torso used to be Dr. Ruth.
298
00:17:38,053 —> 00:17:40,283
Her head is on a pike
in the Chamber of Horrors.
299
00:17:40,389 —> 00:17:42,823
[Wolf Howling]
300
00:17:42,925 —> 00:17:45,985
- [Wolf Whistles]
- Hi, fellas.
301
00:17:47,429 —> 00:17:49,454
Love that "chewing gum" walk.
302
00:17:49,565 —> 00:17:53,331
Very Wrigley.
303
00:17:53,435 —> 00:17:56,666
As Little Miss Springfield, it's my
pleasure to welcome you to America…
304
00:17:56,772 —> 00:17:58,672
the land of opportunity.
305
00:17:58,774 —> 00:18:00,435
Actually, they're being deported.
306
00:18:00,542 —> 00:18:04,171
## [ Minor Key]
307
00:18:04,279 —> 00:18:06,839
[Man Over P.A.]And now,
let's give a big Fort Springfield welcome…
308
00:18:06,949 —> 00:18:08,849
to Mr. Bob Hope!
309
00:18:08,951 —> 00:18:10,976
- What's the mayor's name?
- Quimby.
310
00:18:11,086 —> 00:18:12,485
Beautiful.
311
00:18:12,588 —> 00:18:15,284
####[Orchestra]
312
00:18:15,390 —> 00:18:18,655
Hello, this is Bob "What the hell
am I doing in Springfield" Hope.
313
00:18:18,760 —> 00:18:20,955
- ####[Ends]
- Hey, how about that Mayor Quimby?
314
00:18:21,063 —> 00:18:25,659
He's some golfer! His golfball spends
more time underwater than Greg Louganis.
315
00:18:25,767 —> 00:18:27,667
[ Howling Laughter]
316
00:18:27,769 —> 00:18:31,296
And now, I wanna show you what
you're fighting for, if there was a war on.
317
00:18:31,406 —> 00:18:33,704
Little Miss Springfield.
318
00:18:35,143 —> 00:18:38,010
- Isn't she beautiful?
- Little Miss Springfield?
319
00:18:38,113 —> 00:18:41,048
First, Tony Randall cancels.
Now this.
320
00:18:41,149 —> 00:18:44,550
- [ Yelling, Shouting ]
- Hey, what gives here? This is bogus! Hey!
321
00:18:44,653 —> 00:18:47,588
Where do you think you're goin'?
We want Miss Springfield!
322
00:18:47,689 —> 00:18:49,919
Hey, set me down at that boat show.
323
00:18:50,025 —> 00:18:52,323
I'm gonna be riding
on a pack of cigarettes?
324
00:18:52,427 —> 00:18:55,919
Mm-hmm. We think you're
the perfect spokesmodel for Laramies.
325
00:18:56,031 —> 00:18:58,056
It's part of our new campaign.
326
00:18:58,166 —> 00:19:00,760
Mmm, classy.
327
00:19:00,869 —> 00:19:02,268
[ Gasps ]
328
00:19:02,371 —> 00:19:04,839
You see, Lisa, it's been
an unlucky year for Laramie.
329
00:19:04,940 —> 00:19:07,306
A lot of the people
who smoke our product have been…
330
00:19:07,409 —> 00:19:09,036
well, dying.
331
00:19:09,144 —> 00:19:11,203
And we need young smokers
to take their place.
332
00:19:11,313 —> 00:19:14,373
I don't wanna be a spokesperson
for a cigarette company!
333
00:19:14,483 —> 00:19:17,008
But you're a role model
To young people.
334
00:19:17,119 —> 00:19:19,883
And we're thinking of retiring
Menthol Moose.
335
00:19:22,090 —> 00:19:25,116
[ Coughs, Spits ]
336
00:19:31,767 —> 00:19:34,133
Bless you, boys.
337
00:19:34,236 —> 00:19:36,830
- Homer, those are ice cream men.
- I know.
338
00:19:43,946 —> 00:19:46,005
[ Gasps ]
339
00:19:51,954 —> 00:19:55,981
- Stop this float!
- [ Tires Screech ]
340
00:19:56,091 —> 00:20:00,721
- What's the holdup? Go!
- I'm tired of being a corporate shill.
341
00:20:00,829 —> 00:20:02,797
[ Grunts ]
342
00:20:02,898 —> 00:20:05,025
From now on,
I will speak out…
343
00:20:05,133 —> 00:20:07,101
against the evils in society…
344
00:20:07,202 —> 00:20:10,000
from dog-napping to cigarettes.
345
00:20:15,711 —> 00:20:17,702
[Lisa]
Before I sing the national anthem…
346
00:20:17,813 —> 00:20:19,781
I'd like to say that college football…
347
00:20:19,881 —> 00:20:23,874
diverts funds badly needed
for education and the arts.
348
00:20:25,620 —> 00:20:27,588
- Is that true?
- Let's get 'em!
349
00:20:27,689 —> 00:20:29,486
[ Grunting ]
350
00:20:29,591 —> 00:20:31,354
Let's get out of here!
351
00:20:31,460 —> 00:20:33,690
[ Grunting Continues ]
352
00:20:37,666 —> 00:20:40,066
Gentlemen, we need
to get Lisa Simpson out…
353
00:20:40,168 —> 00:20:42,068
and Amber Dempsey back in.
354
00:20:42,170 —> 00:20:45,970
But this glorified, crossing-guard-of-a-police
Chief won't get off his big fat can.
355
00:20:46,074 —> 00:20:47,837
Is it okay if I open these potato chips?
356
00:20:47,943 —> 00:20:51,504
- [ Groans ]
- Gentlemen, our prayers have been answered.
357
00:20:51,613 —> 00:20:55,242
Take a look at our
Little Miss Springfield's pageant application.
358
00:20:57,719 —> 00:21:00,347
Roxy, bring in a bottle of champagne.
359
00:21:00,455 —> 00:21:03,356
Yeah, and some dip
for these chips or somethin'.
360
00:21:03,458 —> 00:21:07,053
Lisa Simpson is no longer
Little Miss Springfield.
361
00:21:07,162 —> 00:21:09,995
She was stripped of her crown
in a ceremony earlier today.
362
00:21:12,234 —> 00:21:15,067
Well, that's obviously
the wrong footage.
363
00:21:15,170 —> 00:21:20,608
Uh, but it does seem the father of
the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson…
364
00:21:20,709 —> 00:21:23,007
filled out the pageant
application incorrectly.
365
00:21:23,111 —> 00:21:27,241
In the area under "Do not write
in this space," he wrote, "Okay."
366
00:21:27,349 —> 00:21:29,977
If it wasn't for me,
you'd still be queen.
367
00:21:30,085 —> 00:21:34,112
- You must hate me.
- Dad, do you remember why
you entered me in that pageant?
368
00:21:34,222 —> 00:21:36,213
- I don't know. Was I drunk?
- Possibly.
369
00:21:36,324 —> 00:21:40,988
But the point is, you wanted me
to feel better about myself, and I do.
370
00:21:41,096 —> 00:21:42,723
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
371
00:21:42,831 —> 00:21:45,322
Will you remember this
the next time I wreck your life?
372
00:21:45,434 —> 00:21:47,402
It's a deal.
373
00:21:49,137 —> 00:21:53,631
And now, my exclusive interview
with His Holiness, Pope John Paul I.
374
00:21:55,710 —> 00:21:59,874
That's it.
I cannot work under these conditions.
375
00:21:59,981 —> 00:22:02,745
If anybody wants me,
I'll be downstairs at McDougal's.
376
00:22:02,851 —> 00:22:04,785
Call the weekend guy.
I don't care.
377
00:22:04,886 —> 00:22:06,854
[Door Slams Shut]
378
00:22:53,068 —> 00:22:55,161
- [ People Chattering ]
- Shh!
